MUSLIMS AND SEXUALS DEVIATIONS

All praises to Allah and peace and blessings on His Prophet.

Having met as well as other preachers many cases of sexual deviation within practicing Muslims, this led us to think together about this phenomenon. We don’t say that the situation is a catastrophe or that Muslims have become like Europeans who don’t believe in shame and loyalty, may Allah protect us, but it is no longer single cases and it is necessary to take measures within our society. The first step is this article whose purpose is to prevent that plea and to arrange it if it happens. To be clear, the sexual deviations we are confronted to are adultery between married brothers and sisters. I have chosen in this article to abolish shyness so I ask the brothers and sisters that are not married not to go any further to protect them.

I believe the first factor to prevent these situations is sexual satisfaction within the couple. That does not mean that if we don’t get it we are in danger of adultery, but those who fell into adultery were looking for things they didn’t get at home. Husband and wife must look for their satisfaction and the satisfaction of the other. My brother, my sister, I give you this advice for the benefit of all : if you think of your own pleasure only, you are wrong ; make sacrifice of your time, go beyond your tiredness, force yourself to say kind words, to pat, to say the qualities of your companion, to notice his efforts; if he can’t have pleasure, do your best, try to know his needs and desires to fulfil them, engage yourself seriously in shaping your body to his taste, fight your shame and shyness to give him his pleasure. If you don’t think of your own pleasure, you are also wrong. Subhan Allah! In this time of temptation and deviation, Allah has given us the Halal and we would give up having pleasure? How many men have resigned and just waiting when their wives will finally accept to have sex? No my brother, Allah did not say so, Allah said: [2:223] Your women are the bearers of your seed. Thus, you may enjoy this privilege however you like, so long as you maintain righteousness. The Arabic word is “go to your harvest”, if you understand it as a permission, I advise you to take it as an order: if you desire your wife, do what you desire and release yourself, otherwise it will not be good for you nor for her. The proof of this is the Hadeeth: «If you see a woman you desire, go home and mate your wife, for you will be relieved just as well». What do you think someone can see in the streets of Medina in time of Rasool Allah (s) that will excite him to a point he will interrupt his occupations to go home and release himself with his wife? And what do we see today in streets, adverts, TV and work? Is there not a need to release your energy every day? So what to say if it is your own wife that you desire, why should you refrain yourself? Take the word of Allah, apply the solution of your Creator who knows your needs better than you do and “go to your harvest anytime and anywhere you like”. What if your wife doesn’t want? You cannot force her or rape her, but buy her presents, tell her kind words, help her to finish washing the dishes, give her massage, preferably with essential oils, and when you make love to her, do your best so she also gets pleasure. Never tell her her physical defaults and always praise what you like. Don’t criticize, but if anything could be improved ask her gently and support her effort. If you don’t know how to give her pleasure, don’t be shy to ask her to show how to excite her or ask a friend that seems good at it. I tell you, there are 3 erogenous zones in the woman that you must work on: the breasts, the clitoris and G point. Breasts are worked on by hands and mouth, on the nipples and under them, you can try a cream or oil to help. For some women, it is less sensitive or takes too much time; don’t lose hope and keep trying every time, you don’t know when it will unblock and you will get a new source of joy. The clitoris is the stage you absolutely mustn’t miss to maximise the pleasure of the woman. It is called the rest of the penis with the woman; you will find it when you go down the pubic and look for the first opening between the labium; it comes out like a little nose and is as sensitive as the head of the penis of the man. Now work hard my brother, with the hand, the mouth or the organ, take all your time until Mrs can’t bear the pleasure any more, then continue until you have pity on her. Now comes the penetration, follow the movement of the plough: rub on the bottom, push to the maximum and come out from the top, a divine recipe, a work of a strong and engaged farmer, don’t be too fast and don’t stay in the middle where the rubbing is less. Change positions and look for her pleasure. If you ejaculate too fast, wait a bit and have a second go. Quick ejaculation normally comes from lacking sex and the solution is to have sex more often. By having sex every day, and if you need twice a day, we should reach slower intercourse that will be great pleasure for Mrs. On the contrary, if you do less because Madame is not satisfied because I is too fast, we fall in a negative spiral: the man has more and more need and ejaculation comes nearly immediately. If there is something in your body that repulses your wife and that you can change or reduce, such as hairs or odour, do this effort for her, because she also does a lot of effort on her body and anyway it will be good for you.

May Allah protect you my brother, but we receive calls for help from sisters that fell into fornication because they needed tender words, human heat, tenderness, praising their bodies, flashing on them, and some are ready to give them that, they know how to speak, they are very patient and keep renewing their proposals and showing their interest, and have much more experience in sex than you, and weakness is human, religious and moral education is not strong enough, Islamic activities are rare or totally absent, other frustrated brothers will try to make her feel good, Satan will do everything for her needs to be satisfied elsewhere, even just to have a try, after being deprived and waiting so much, why not do like others, Allah is Forgiver, Allah understands I have suffered so much, I can’t bare this situation any more, and I need a bit of happiness and consolation. And when we fall in the sin, my God, how much Satan makes it joyful and exciting. And we can’t stop at all, we need to repeat the honeymoon. The married couple is so uninteresting. And you are still there telling her she has small breasts and she doesn’t know how to move, you think it is just a made you have at home, so quickly turn her into a sex bomb before another one will do it. We don’t need to be paranoid on adultery and by Allah’s Mercy, the majority won’t reach there, but I believe the la frustration is the first cause.

If despite all your efforts Madame does not reach the orgasm and does not find her pleasure, you must look for other causes. Many women are traumatised by painful experiences affecting their sexuality. Discuss it with her and if it appears that the has traumas related to sex then she needs psychotherapy. You can do it with her, I will not explain the procedure here, you can get it on my website, or send her to a professional; we even do them by skype on my website. Another cause is sorcery and djinns: you can detect them by 4 symptoms: blockages in life, unusual health problems, unusual mental states and nightmares. In the couple, it comes through unnecessary and excessive disputes, a desire to meet when you are far and rejecting the other when they meet, abnormal difficulties in sexual relations that can take various forms.

Now you my sister, if you cannot satisfy your husband or you would like to better satisfy him, here is my advice. First, eliminate any negative attitude towards his sexuality. Don’t make unhappy face when he asks you, don’t make him wait, don’t refuse, don’t postpone to tomorrow; by Allah, you are playing with the fire! With all what women do, to be desirable, and your own husband desires you, and you are not happy? Such ungratefulness towards Allah’s bounties could lead to a bad end. Should I give you the examples of those who suddenly found themselves in polygamy or betrayed? Indeed, because divorce is too complicated and unjustified, but the man is suffering in his frustration, years pass and things don’t improve, temptations come repeatedly and the pressure gets worse. Oh my sister, you can’t imagine how much you make your husband suffer and everything that is going through his mind. Even his behaviour towards has changed, like this lady complaining to me that her husband is no longer loving and devoted as before. I told her directly: but do you satisfy him sexually like before? She said: no, with the children and house duties she delays and often refuses. That’s it: permanent frustration and need, when the pressure outside is daily, don’t put your husband in a happy mood and don’t encourage him to do nice tips to you. So my sister, Rule n°1, accept without hesitation any demand of your husband and give yourself to him without delay. O Allah, how much he will love you and be happy with you. Now, if you can, be cheerful and show how happy you are every time he asks you. And if you don’t understand what you should be happy about, look at this happy home Allah has given you when others suffer being bachelor or divorced or in misunderstanding, look at this halal Allah’s put you in when so many people spend their lives wallowing in sins, look at your husband who desires you when thousands of women outside do their best to seduce him, look at this pleasure you will share instead of thinking of tiredness or need to wash, or home making you will need to postpone. What do you think if any time prayer is mentioned, you think of the task of ablutions, if we mention a nice dish, you think of the task of cooking, or if we mention children, you think of those years changing nappies and baring their mistakes? It is a negative attitude that makes man eternally moody and never happy. So be positive and receive the demand of your husband with a big smile and nice words. And I advise you my sister, may Allah bless your home and raise you in His esteem and in the eyes of your husband, don’t just do that. May Allah bless this sister who asked me: which are the erotic zones of the man? To know how to satisfy her husband. The first is the eye, so as soon as you are in intimacy or you have finished religious activities, get changed into a light dress because time for hijab and shyness is over and now is time of seduction and desire. May Allah forgive theses sisters that cover themselves even in the marriage room and the husband is spying on her under the blanket hoping to see some parts of his wife’s body! One sister is boasting to her husband that she covers herself correctly; what satisfaction is that giving him if he himself can’t benefit from her body? My sister, do you accept that women outside are more desirable than you? Would you blame your husband for thinking of another woman when he is with you? So the best advice I can give you is to put in your room some Islamic rhythmic nasheed, then start moving sensually and remove your clothes progressively, show all the angles of your body to make sure he didn’t miss anything, a good naked dance will not harm you. With such a menu every night, the women outside cannot compete and your husband will know he has better at home. If you want his eyes to be only for you, fill them up. Otherwise my sister, all these miniskirts and low-cuts he sees all day long, all these smiling and welcoming faces, if not more, that is the film running in his mind while he has sex with you and you cannot blame him. What a waste to spend all this time and energy caring after your body, fighting pimples, stretch marks, flesh rolls, wrinkles, dry skin and bad smell, taking care of your hair, following a diet or just minding what you eat, etc., I can’t say all that women do for their bodies, then you don’t use it on the proper time. If you want to win your husband by preparing better dishes than restaurants, so you might as well offer him better shows than cabarets. Then my sister, this is an advice of a brother who wants your success in this world and hereafter, when having sex stop the cadaver strategy. Even if your husband jumps on you like a starving wolf, do not be passive and join in. the second erogenous zone of man is the hand. Make sure he doesn’t miss a cm² of your body. Ask him to massage your back and your legs down to the toes. Don’t be shy to ask him to you’re your neck. Never reproach: «why don’t you kiss my neck? », but incite him: « please my love, could you kiss my neck ». Make sure he gashes all your body with 3 things: his hand, his mouth and his penis. For the latter, you will rub all your body on it. By the way, you need to rub all his body with 4 things: your hands, your mouth, your breast and your bum. Allahu Akbar! Here we are living Allah’s words: [2:187] They are the keepers of your secrets, and you are the keepers of their secrets (literally: they are clothes for you and you are clothes for them). In whatever position, always be in action: let your hands wander wherever they can, don’t hesitate to caress his face and look at him with love, if you can catch and caress his testicles that’s great, put his hands wherever you prefer if he has forgotten to do so. I want to share with you a position: the man lies on his back, first the woman sits on him face to him and penetrates, then once the position is stabilized and after some ups and downs, she will put her hands back on his knees and rise her knees progressively one after the other being careful not to lose the penetration so she will put her legs in front of her with the knees folded, a little under her breasts, and he will hold her knees or thighs or calfs to help her go and come horizontally. At last my sister, you must turn your default into a quality and your weakness into strength. Women like to speak: this is the moment to let go. Encourage your husband like the world cup fans! Show him you are enjoying yourself. Subhan Allah!How many times we tell you not to speak or to speak less, and now that we tell you to let go and that your words are highly requested, stop being silent because your words will enhance and the action and make it beautiful.

This is the first defence against adultery, sexual satisfaction in the couple. If you say you are modest and cannot give yourself in such a way, so may Allah forbid you to be the cause of throwing your husband into the bed of another woman that will give him with no limit. If you tell me you prefer giving up this world, I tell you the Sunna of Prophet (s) is to love women and he says: «Three amusements are good for the believer: man having fun with his wife and she having fun with him, man having fun with his horse and man having fun with his weapons», so better than TV or video games, enjoy yourself with your wife. Even without mentioning adultery, that can only bring an important wellbeing in the couple. Then, to avoid adultery, I will follow the logic of the verse: [17:32] You shall not commit adultery (literally: don’t approach fornication). Fornication has a particular logic: the more we approach it, the more we are tempted and attracted and the less we can resist. That means the solution is not to approach at all: anything, any place, any relation, any action that creates a desire in you or a sexual feeling, stop there or reduce it as much as you can and avoid that context. If you start enjoying it, searching for your pleasure, giving it time and attention, you have entered a dangerous spiral and you are in a permanent state of temptation and desire until you cut it short or you go to the end of it. It’s better never to seek anything haram, but if it did happen, you should limit the damage and withdraw as quickly as possible. If you don’t have the courage to stop, you need to avoid the context that brings the sin or the temptation, even if you need to bring important changes in your life. I mentioned that to keep your gaze down, you should make dua whenever you see a women shamelessly dressed for Allah to save her from Hellfire; imagine if it was your daughter, wife or sister? Would you like people to gaze at her from morning to evening, from top to bottom, in length and width? That way Satan cannot influence you and you will protect your heart, may Allah protect your family. Then you need to eliminate fantasying from your imagination: whenever a sexual image comes into your mind, immediately imagine yourself in Hell with 2 burning charcoals under your feet that make your brain to boil, then do istighfar and read Quran. In sha Allah after 3 days not any erotic image will come in your mind any more.

If you flash on someone or fall in love when you are already married, what to do? First, don’t feel guilty, it is not a sin to be in love because you are not responsible of your feelings; what is blameable is the way you act. So choose the Prophet’s solution: “Whoever loves, hides and dies is martyr”. If you fall in love and you are already married, or the person is married, or anyway the marriage is not possible (even if the person is engaged or discussing a marriage you must not show your interest) the sin is not a solution, divorcing to marry another one is not a solution, because marriage is sacred, we don’t break it because we have no more feelings or because we love another one, so as there is no solution, hide your feelings and act as if there is nothing. If you die of this situation, by blocking a love you can’t express, Allah will give you the reward of a martyr. So falling in love is not bad, and if there is no solution, the good attitude is to hide it so no one knows and Allah will reward you for that, but if you try to fulfil your desire from haram, you fall in the net of Satan.

And if someone declares his love to you, even by half the words, like this married sister to whom a married brother sent a text message: what to do when we love a married person? Answer: hide your feelings, don’t tell anyone. What if he insists? Avoid him and don’t try to change his mind because the contact will only excite him more and bring the danger closer. What if he still insists? Threaten to tell of him and don’t hesitate to do it if necessary. Unfortunately there are dangerous sexual predators amongst our brothers and sisters and the silence of their victims is their best pass to continue; either sisters that like to raise desire and competition between men and found the way to match a sexual secret life with veil and family so don’t hesitate to inform their husbands and family if the advice was not sufficient. An anonymous letter of threat with photos if possible can be very efficient. Also inform Islamic responsibles if the danger concerns a group.

To avoid falling into sin, there are 4 conditions to mixing with opposite sex: no touching, wearing veil, not being isolated and the subject must be serious. Out of these 4 conditions the most important is the third because only when we are alone in a place allowing fornication that the worst may happen; so my brother and sister, whatever happens to you, fear Allah, don’t trust yourself and don’t put yourself into that situation.

If you have fallen into haram, would it be the minor or the major, Allah is Forgiver and accepts repentance, and the essential part of repentance is regret, with the fact of stopping the sin and deciding not to repeat it. Moreover, to protect your repentance, you must decide to avoid the places or people leading to the sin. One can also enhance his repentance by extra good deeds, such as alms or fasting, or working to prevent others falling in the same sin. But there is no need to confess your sins to your partner – unless he already knows – because it could often mean the end of the relation. That is not part of the repentance because Rasool Allah (s) said: “Backbiting is worse than fornication”. How is that? Asked the companions. He said: the fornicator repents and Allah forgives him, but backbiting will never be forgiven unless the victim forgives”. So fornication is not an injustice that requires the forgiveness of the partner. Even if sins are previous to marriage, don’t tell them, like this sister so happy in her marriage and feeling so guilty about her multiple boyfriends before marriage that she felt the need to tell her husband and the happiness has totally left her home and her husband is disgusted o her.

My brother and my sister, if your companion has sinned and repented, you must accept his repentance, and consider him as he is now and stop seeing him as a sinner because that’s how Allah does with us. What would we become if Allah closed his door to repentance because the sin is too bad or because we have repeated? Happily, Allah is Merciful and knows our nature, for He has created us. Therefore, we should also accept the errors of others as long as they repented and the person has changed and the trust is back, especially if we are partly responsible of those errors for not being enough present and devoted.

But if he is not repented, we cannot forgive. I am surprised of these women that forgive the regular infidelities of their husbands and I am surprised of these men running after their wives that have gone with others. Islam forbids a believer to stay married with a fornicator. In this case, leave your feelings and follow your mind. Even if material or social circumstances don’t let you leave, stop sexual relations and ask Allah to take you out of this situation.

Polygamy as a solution? Indeed, it is part of the solution for a man that does not find satisfaction with his wife, and for sisters who don’t find a free man, but that does not solve other situations and it brings terrible situations with the first wife. For those who think about it, I advise you never to mention it even joking if you have not decided to do it, because you will end up with the difficulties of the polygamy: jealousy and disputes, without the advantages. If you think of doing it, I advise you to first check well that the situation you are creating is balanced, just and viable on the long term, and don’t trust women’s promises that they will accept the minimum because they will soon ask for equality at least. If you do that, you will have the responsibility in front of Allah to fulfil your duty and your engagements on both sides; fear Allah and don’t divorce one for the other. If the first one leaves by jealousy and deception, my sister, fear Allah and don’t ruin this good Allah has given you. Don’t hope to find a good in this divorce or this freedom you are seeking. I don’t want to say words that are too hard and of course you are the one suffering not me, but polygamy must be accepted as a rule and monogamy as an exception. Beware, there is no problem between you and your husband nor between your husband and Allah, but if you go because of that, there will be a bad problem between you and Allah. Yet, who will sacrifice a woman with whom he has spent many years and has children even if they had problems but not reaching divorce until the polygamy crisis arrived, for a new wife with which he needs to restart everything, wipe out his life to start a new one? Therefore, because the second wife can easily be sacrifices, it is better to have the approval of the first before going into a risky adventure.

The divorced women, we must talk about them. The phenomenon is not from today or yesterday. How many sisters wearing hijab fall in fornication as soon as they divorce? Subhan Allah! They were practicing Islam as well as any sister, and what happened? Need of love and sex, need to forget her suffering and rebuild herself, deception of the brothers and deception of Islam, impossible to remarry and fear of a new engagement; if we had statistics they will be terrible. I tell you this my sister so you make an extra effort to keep your marriage, to thank Allah that has protected you with the halal, and that we quickly marry the divorced sisters, and for that I see no other solution than polygamy, unless you want to massively import the guys from your home country, that is an adventure with very low success rate.

May Allah protect us from the sin, may Allah bless our homes, may Allah raise our children in the beauty of a harmonious home, may Allah let our community be a model for others and not imitators of the astray and cursed people.